A real wedding budget

"This is what we can spend." That's how a lot of wedding budgets start: a total said out loud, before anyone knows how it splits across the twenty vendors that come next.

There are no amounts here. They change with the city and the season, and the same wedding can cost 3 times more on a peak-season Saturday than on an off-season Thursday. What works in any currency is the percentage for each category and the gap between the cheapest vendor and the most expensive one.

Two numbers and one division

1. The total you can pay without going into debt. Add up your savings, what you can set aside each month until the date, and what family has already confirmed they'll chip in. A contribution nobody has confirmed yet doesn't count.
2. The number of guests. No other figure in the planning moves the total cost as much.

Divide the first by the second and you have the cost per guest. With that number you can see in a minute whether you're squeezing a two-hundred-person wedding into a budget meant for sixty.

Cutting twenty guests usually saves more than haggling with five vendors.

You can also run the math backward. Pick a cost per guest that seems reasonable, multiply it by your list and compare it with the total. If it doesn't fit, there are two ways out: fewer people or less spending per person.

The breakdown by category

There are eleven categories and they add up to 100%. Use them as a template and adjust them with one rule: whatever you raise in one, you lower in another.

• Venue, food and drinks: 42%. If it goes over 50%, every other category comes up short.
• Photography and video: 12%. It's what everyone looks at the next day, and it's often the first thing people cut.
• Attire and beauty: 8%. Both outfits, hair, makeup and fittings.
• Contingency cushion: 8%.
• Music and entertainment: 7%. This decides whether the dance floor is still full at ten at night.
• Decor and flowers: 7%.
• Coordination: 6%. A full-service planner or someone just for the day.
• Cake and desserts: 3%.
• Rings: 3%.
• Stationery, invitations and save-the-dates: 2%.
• Ceremony and paperwork: 2%. Space, officiant, permits and documents.

The 8% contingency goes into a separate account on day one and gets treated as already spent. If any is left over, it's for the honeymoon.

How to turn the percentages into money

Start with a solid quote for food per person, the biggest expense. If the menu takes a quarter of your cost per guest and the venue plus drinks add another 15% or 20%, you're within the 42%.

Then get three quotes per category. With just one you can't tell if the price is high or suspiciously low. All three have to cover the same hours and the same number of people, and for photo and video, the same deliverables too.

This is the rough gap between the cheapest and the most expensive vendor in the same city, for the same job. Treat it as an order of magnitude: in your city it may be different, and your three quotes have the final say.

• Photography and video: up to 7 times, depending on experience, hours and deliverables. Photo usually takes the bigger share of the 12%. For video, ask how many minutes they deliver and how soon, because that's where the price hides.
• Music: almost 7 times. A live band costs about twice as much as a DJ with a good sound system, and it goes up with every musician.
• Flowers and decor: more than 8 times, the widest of all. Nearly all the difference comes from choosing seasonal or imported flowers.
• Day-of coordination: 6 times. It's the narrowest, because the work looks a lot alike from one vendor to the next.
• Cost per guest: 5 to 6 times between a simple wedding and a banquet hall with a plated menu and open bar.

Where to cut without anyone noticing

• The date and time. A day that isn't Saturday, or a less popular season, lowers the price of the venue, photos and music. A midday wedding costs less than an evening one.
• The bar. Two house cocktails, wine, beer and something non-alcoholic cost much less than a full open bar.
• Decor, only where people are: the entrance, the head table and the dance floor. Hallways don't show up in the photos.
• The flowers. Seasonal blooms and lots of greenery.
• The cake. A smaller one on display and sheet cake in the kitchen. Nobody counts the tiers.
• Stationery. Digital invitations instead of printed ones.

Where it doesn't pay to cut is photography hours, the amount of food, the sound and the person coordinating the day. If nobody coordinates, you end up doing it yourself in your wedding dress.

The hidden costs

They almost never show up in the first quote. They add 10% to 20% to the category they belong to and, since they're predictable, they get written into each category from the start, without touching the contingency cushion.

• Taxes and service charges on food and drinks. Ask whether the price already includes them.
• Tips and meals for the vendor crew working that day.
• Overtime. The contract says six hours and the wedding runs two more. Ask the price of each extra hour before you sign.
• Transport, setup and teardown of furniture, equipment and flowers.
• Power, permits or insurance, if the place isn't a formal venue.
• Fittings and tastings for attire, makeup and the menu.
• Fees and exchange-rate differences if you pay someone in another currency.
• The last fifteen guests, the ones who show up after you've locked the final number.

Your budget on one sheet

1. Write down the total you can afford. That's your 100%.
2. Split it with the percentages above and write each amount in the currency you'll pay in. That same day, the 8% contingency goes into a separate account.
3. Divide by the number of guests and check that the cost per person is doable with the prices you've already been quoted.
4. Get three quotes for the biggest category and update the sheet with those numbers.
5. Log every payment the day you make it: date, amount and how much is left to pay.